Check out my sweet personal ad on Craigslist.

I’m bound to get all the ladies now.

HOLLA!

Edit: The posting expired, so the ad and picture is copied below.

HUGE DOUCHEBAG SEEKS HOT GIRL WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM (HOLLYWOOD)

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Reply to: [redacted]@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-13, 12:07AM PDT

About me: Former frat boy, wears pink polos with collar popped, narcissistic, egomaniacal douchebag. You: Hot chick who has such a poor self-image she will put up with my misogynistic, self-important attitudes without questioning her own sanity.

The following is a sample of the extreme douchebaggery you are in for if you date me:

-I will go to bars with you and ignore you.
-I will indirectly criticize how much you eat.
-I will always let your phone calls roll over to voicemail.
-I will give you a piece of expensive jewelry, then expect sex in return.
-I will never meet your parents.
-I will stand you up.
-I will accidentally piss on your toilet seat and not clean it.
-I will always speak to you condescendingly.
-I will never admit I am wrong to the point of absurdity.
-I will always prioritize my male friends over you.|
-I will stop sex when I orgasm, then leave your apartment.
-I will constantly look at other women
-I will reference females as “chicks,” “sluts” and “whores.”
-I will break up with you via e-mail, then booty call you a few weeks later at 3 a.m.
-I will call you a bitch sarcastically.
-I will never tell you I love you.
-I will take a dump in your bathroom in the morning before you have to take a shower.
-I will flirt with other girls while holding your hand.
-I will always wear a hemp bracelet and popped collar.
-I will never refer to you as “my girlfriend” and I call dates “hanging out”

If these points remind you of a previous relationship or you have such a poor self-image that you are willing to put up this level of d-bagishness, you are a perfect candidate and should send me an e-mail. Please include a picture. As should be obvious by now, no fatties.