The Big H

(posted 1/25/08)

Directed by Brett Weiner
Written by Max Dionne
Actors: Prescott, Laura Willcox,
Jon Silver, Katie Semine

Director's commentary

Max: I would just like to start this one off by stating for the record that I don't have the herp.

That being said, I first came up with the idea for this little number whilst studying the migration patterns of pudu in the southern regions of Patagonia. Pudu are marvelous creatures, really -- tiny deer that dwell on the forest floor. They have an inquisitive nature, and an adult mother will sacrifice herself to save her young.

One day, as I peered out from my hut to gaze out on the vast Patagonian range, I couldn't help but think about how those people in those stupid STD commercials are always so OK with their partners' diseases. I thought that was almost as funny as when my guide, Alverez, tried to poop on a fire ant mound. More on that later though.

Prescott: I also do not have herpes, but I feel you couldn't tell that judging from my great performance. I recall us having to settle for the current sweeping vista when we realized we didn't have enough time to drive the extra 20 miles to the top of the mountain. It was incredibly hot that day and sunny. Jon kept joking that he wanted to roll down the mountain-side to escape pursuers. I recall really examining Brett's Corolla because I was looking to buy a car.

The end scene was very uncomfortable because Brett kept making me do things in front of the camera. And then Jon joined in. I assume it was legal.

Max: I just got off the phone with our lawyer and can confirm that it is indeed legal to make out on camera and then jokingly wrestle with a man dressed as a doctor.

Jon: As far as my part was concerned, there was very little acting involved. As soon as that camera turned on I just froze like a deer in headlights. If it was filmed in HD you could see the nervous beads of sweat streaming down my face, and if it was filmed in smellovision you would notice the same thing happening in my armpit region.

Brett: For the final scene, I just shut off the camera and watched them all wrestle for, like, 30 minutes. I had to yell "Cut" after Prescott tapped out when Laura got him in a choke hold.

Max: One of my favorite portions of this sketch is when the "doctor" lists the presidents who have had Herpes and only mentions Taft. Here's an interesting bit of trivia: when writing that bit, I really wanted to be as accurate as possible so I visited the Library of Congress and took out the medical records of all our presidents. After combing through them for a week, I found numerous bouts of gonorrhea, several instances of syphilis, some cases of the clap and a surprisingly large amount of chlamydia. But Taft remains the only case of herpes. Will the election of 2008 change that? We'll see...

Laura: not featured in this video: Jon's exclamations of pleasure when I pulled him onto the bed: "Heeeey, okaaaaay, yeaaaaa, alriiiiight" etc. Also, turns out watching yourself make out on camera is almost as weird as having your friends force you to make out on camera.

God, we're a bunch of prudes.

No one has made me giggle and squeal like that since. the fact that I am a method actor and was ridiculously high on valium at the time may have sometime to do with that.

Max: That's why Laura was an obvious casting choice. I very much wanted this sketch to fall into the category of "ultra-realism."

Prescott: Jon was also such a method actor that he applied to med school in hopes of graduating before principle shooting began. Alas filming beat his schedule by seven years.

I remember when Max was a doe-eyed senior in university, claiming how he would write the next great STD sketch. We all laughed, thinking Gonorrhea Gary would never be beaten.